Hope

Today I had a meeting at Jackson's school and it was really interesting. They said he's doing really great and is SO smart! The one thing he continues to struggle with Social Skills. Which most children with Autism do.

I'd like to go back to when Jacks was a baby......
He was happy for the most part...normal. But I guess now looking back he really didn't make eye contact. At 8mo he was becoming less and less interested in anything. By 12mo it was apparent that something was different. He had no language, no babble, never made eye contact, never pointed, never waved and never responded to his name. We just thought...he's quiet. Maybe he couldn't hear very well or was deaf. Or just an introvert. Nothing wrong with that. We loved him! At around 13mo we found out he was tongue tied. WOW! I felt like all our questions were answered. That's it! Easy fix! That didn't fix anything. So we had him tested at 18mo and the results were that he has A Sensory Processing Disorder. We had no idea what that meant..... We wanted further testing. In this time frame he started having these HUGE tantrums. HUGE. We were unable to go anywhere with him. Everything aggravated him. It was horrible and even thinking about it now gets me choked up. At 20mo he started speech because he still was not talking. No words, no babble. We had our 1st visit. At this visit he had a tantrum....for an hour. He proceeded to kick, scream and throw things. All because I took the phone. She asked if he lined up things...Yes. Do I think he's deaf...yes. Question after question....that had nothing to do with speech. Then she tells me. I think your son has Autism and needs to be retested immediately. As soon as we left she had called my Pediatrician and I got a call the next day with an appointment. I cried....I cried hard.....all I knew about Autism was that you loose your kids. They regress and don't ever speak. I was mourning all my hopes and dreams I had for Jacks. I couldn't go anywhere without crying. I remember 1 incident clearly. I went over to my friend Erica's house and immediately ran to her bathroom and just sobbed.....I felt like I was dying....I couldn't control it. I was a hot mess. REALLY, It was a horrible time for us.

I'm happy to say that it has all changed!!! He started ABA at 2yrs old and has done amazing! He's talking and learning so much! His social skills  still need some work but we are on our way!! I don't feel hopeless anymore like I once did. He's in a great Autistic preschool and does ABA daily! I have my son back! He's corky and has to be taught social cues but he is cute and sweet! Autism has been a blessing in disguise.....I wouldn't change a thing about our families journey through this. I'm proud of who he is and I accept it ALL!

Feeling so blah.........

Today I am feeling really sad.....sad that I'm letting my life pass me by. Sad that my weight is completely out of control and I don't know how to get it under control. Sad that I don't have any really meaningful relationships with friends like I would like.

That's a lot of pity thoughts. I hate to to have these pity thoughts. Its definitely not me at all. I know I need to change things in my life I just don't know how. I have no family to lean on and no real best friend because I am so guarded. It's a sad place to be in and I feel I am the one controlling it.

On the other hand I have an amazing husband who is truly my best friend. I have 4 amazing children that bring such joy to my life. This weight thing is killing me. You must be asking yourself...then do something about it! Yeah...I ask myself that too. All the time.....I don't have the motivation.....I'm tired from being a mom and wife.....I really could use some me time. I have no energy and I know its partly because of my weight......ugh...I wish this was simpler.....but, its hard work. I just want to be free of this weight....free from this burden.

Denise

The Latest and Greatest!

I'm horrible about this....I don't want to be I just am. I promise I will try to stay on top of blogging.

Lots has been going on.....my wonderful sister in law got engaged!!! They set a date for 3/15/2014!! We are super excited for her! She invited me to go dress shopping with her and I don't think she knows how honored I was to be there! I tried to be cool and subtle but, I was so so excited!!! She ended up picking out her dress and I was there for it all!!! like a real say yes to the dress moment! We had lunch after and talked for hours! It was probably one of the best days with her. Glad we are such good friends and I just love her! 

Dale and I are also working very hard to get sealed in the temple this January!! I cant even express how I feel about it....I'm just so happy to have the life I do. I really get to share it with my best friend. You know that happiness you dream of or see in the movies....yeah...I have that. Real happiness. its amazing!!! My husband is working really hard to be a good son, father, husband and role model. I know its a lot to take on and I just wish we didn't have to sell ourselves for it. He's amazing and that's that. He puts his family 1st. I have never experienced a man so dedicated to his family. he never disrespects me or others and is kind to everyone. It's pretty awesome to share this life with him. Well, like I said we are working hard. Its been a journey with bumps but I must say not too many....or nothing we cant handle. 

When we do have our sealing we are also going to celebrate by renewing our vows in our backyard and kinda have the wedding we never had....nothing fancy but romantic. I cant wait!

We are also on a strict diet! Trying to loose some lb's is hard work and super stressful! I have quite a bit to loose and my husband not so much! I've let my weight take over for too long and it's time I get control of my health! I mean come on Denise! I've made huge sacrifices in my health and I don't want to take my life for granted! I have worked to hard to LIVE! So far I have been walking and next week we start the gym. I know it will be hard but, worth it! I hope....

As for Jacks! This kid just melts my heart. He had his 6 month eval at UCLA. Everything went so good! The Doc wants to see him yearly now!! Can you believe that!? 12-6 months ago he was not talking.....and now he has fluent language and READING! This is a very bright kid with a promising future! Autism & SID are still there and a huge part of his struggles but, he is learning to adapt....and he is pretty much a normal 3yr old. I wouldn't change anything about him. 

Denise xoxo

Autism

Autism...

Therapy...

It has completely taken over my life. I love my son and have accepted his ways. I love him just the way he is. But with an Autism diagnosis comes lots of therapy and an invasion of space.  I feel like it's affecting my other children in a negative way. My oldest son acts out because he feels neglected and my daughter is starting to show the same signs...I feel horrible as a parent because I have no real support. It's just my husband and I. Don't get me wrong...we signed up for this...we wanted a big family. But, Autism...I didn't think that would happen to us! Never! Us???!!?? Things like that happen to other people...not me. Well it did. All at once our lives changed. Our children's lives changed and how unfair to them... To have parents who plan life around one child. How unfair to them to have parents so exhausted and frustrated to pay attention to them. How unfair! I feel like a horrible parent so tired to think.....today was a bad day with lots of yelling and time outs. It's not fair but it's our life and I am promising to GOD I am making some BIG changes today!