Sunday, December 30, 2012
Good news for 2012-2013
Dale and I have decided to start trying for another baby!!!! The Sutton clan is growing! I was nervous about having another but, I want that big family! So wish us luck!
Lots to say!
Wow! It's been a while...a long while! Since my last rant I am much more calmer. In the sense that I do have a lot of support! It was just people and things getting to me and that's how it came out.
Since my last post Jackson has gotten diagnosed to be on the Autism Spectrum. I wasn't surprised and I wasn't sad. I feel now that he is like any other kid. Having 4 kids I have found that every one has different needs and different obstacles...challenges. His are not really that much different from that of let's say a "normal" child. What is normal anyways??? I have a stubborn, spunky, always sassy 4yr old...is that normal? I have a child who obsesses and screams when approached....is that normal? I have a quiet child...hmmm, normal??? I have an independent child...is that normal? What really is? Jacks to me is pretty unique....he is our puzzle pie e.
Jacks words:
Hi
Bye bye
No
Yes
Yay
Please
Jacks signing words:
Help
Please
More
All done
Yay
Thank you
Bye bye
Hi
And working on his name....he will sign a j by his heart because his heart is so sweet and kind.
Jacks is beating autism everyday and I'm so proud to call him mine.
Since my last post Jackson has gotten diagnosed to be on the Autism Spectrum. I wasn't surprised and I wasn't sad. I feel now that he is like any other kid. Having 4 kids I have found that every one has different needs and different obstacles...challenges. His are not really that much different from that of let's say a "normal" child. What is normal anyways??? I have a stubborn, spunky, always sassy 4yr old...is that normal? I have a child who obsesses and screams when approached....is that normal? I have a quiet child...hmmm, normal??? I have an independent child...is that normal? What really is? Jacks to me is pretty unique....he is our puzzle pie e.
Jacks words:
Hi
Bye bye
No
Yes
Yay
Please
Jacks signing words:
Help
Please
More
All done
Yay
Thank you
Bye bye
Hi
And working on his name....he will sign a j by his heart because his heart is so sweet and kind.
Jacks is beating autism everyday and I'm so proud to call him mine.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Action Jackson...The sweetest guy I know.
I wanted to write about my sweet boy Jackson. He has Sensory Integration (Proceccesing) Dysfunction...THAT we do know. Most likely he will get a diagnosis of Autism to go along with that. I am only going to speak for myself on this post.
I am completely numb. I feel like a lot of people will not be supportive, but, really those people don't surprise me. They are the type that only want you around when they need something or they are going through something. I'm tired of that. I have my own worries. But those people were never MY friends to begin with. Never really family.
It's hard to go through stuff alone....It's hard not to have my mom and dad there to help support us. No one can really understand that.....everyone around me has family support. I do however have a great Church, friends, and my Heavenly Father. I feel that the people who will be there always have through my tough times. My son needs me..us to love and encourage him.
This little boy is sweet, thoughtful, kind and full of joy. He can also be quiet, non-social, disruptive, and hyper. The Dr's say he has Autism.....I don't even know what this means for him..us..me...his siblings. How will this affect our family...our friends....our life. Will he be able to live without us? Will he play sports? Will he get married and have kids of his own? All my dreams for my sweet little guy I feel are falling through my fingers...like butter. I can't catch them or get a grip on these questions. I feel kinda hopeless....I feel powerless. Will I be a good mother and teacher? Will I have enough patience? Will I help him succeed? All this pressure to make sure I do everything perfect.
I have talked to another mom who I met through a good friend. We have been emailing each other and I have been brutally honest about my feelings and how little I know about the Autism Spectrum. She is vibrant in her words....she is passionate....she is my hope! She has made me realize that my son is special....not special needs but, special. He has a gift...and I should look through his eyes. She encourages me to be knowledgeable because I am his voice. I am all he has. She's right! I can do it! I love him more than anything..I want the best and because I do..... HE WILL SUCCEED.
Denise xoxo
I am completely numb. I feel like a lot of people will not be supportive, but, really those people don't surprise me. They are the type that only want you around when they need something or they are going through something. I'm tired of that. I have my own worries. But those people were never MY friends to begin with. Never really family.
It's hard to go through stuff alone....It's hard not to have my mom and dad there to help support us. No one can really understand that.....everyone around me has family support. I do however have a great Church, friends, and my Heavenly Father. I feel that the people who will be there always have through my tough times. My son needs me..us to love and encourage him.
This little boy is sweet, thoughtful, kind and full of joy. He can also be quiet, non-social, disruptive, and hyper. The Dr's say he has Autism.....I don't even know what this means for him..us..me...his siblings. How will this affect our family...our friends....our life. Will he be able to live without us? Will he play sports? Will he get married and have kids of his own? All my dreams for my sweet little guy I feel are falling through my fingers...like butter. I can't catch them or get a grip on these questions. I feel kinda hopeless....I feel powerless. Will I be a good mother and teacher? Will I have enough patience? Will I help him succeed? All this pressure to make sure I do everything perfect.
I have talked to another mom who I met through a good friend. We have been emailing each other and I have been brutally honest about my feelings and how little I know about the Autism Spectrum. She is vibrant in her words....she is passionate....she is my hope! She has made me realize that my son is special....not special needs but, special. He has a gift...and I should look through his eyes. She encourages me to be knowledgeable because I am his voice. I am all he has. She's right! I can do it! I love him more than anything..I want the best and because I do..... HE WILL SUCCEED.
Jackson!
Mommy, Jackson & Daddy
Denise xoxo
6wks Post Exchange Surgery
So, I'm 6 weeks out and not feeling too good. I'm extremely tired and my body is SO weak. I wish I could do more but, I just can't.
At my 4 week mark the left side of my incision started to open so my Dr said I needed to take things extremely easy. He even had my husband take off work. I rested and when I went back the next week for wound care it was almost completely healed!! YAY!! So I thought. I however got more bad news. I guess the lower part of my breast was showing signs of skin breakdown which meant gravity was pushing my implant so hard against my skin. They are worried that the skin will start to give....and maybe even open! WHAT!!!??? Oh my!!! They were even more concerned about that! I was to continue to do nothing and just rest....ugh....
This week I went in again for wound care...now 6 weeks out and everything seems to be healing well. I still have to go in every 2 weeks but, he cleared me to take a shower, light swim and even relax in a jacuzzi for a short time of course. He still wants me to keep it dry and not go too crazy...haha!
I'm doing good...just tired....It's been a LONG 7 months.
Denise xoxo!
At my 4 week mark the left side of my incision started to open so my Dr said I needed to take things extremely easy. He even had my husband take off work. I rested and when I went back the next week for wound care it was almost completely healed!! YAY!! So I thought. I however got more bad news. I guess the lower part of my breast was showing signs of skin breakdown which meant gravity was pushing my implant so hard against my skin. They are worried that the skin will start to give....and maybe even open! WHAT!!!??? Oh my!!! They were even more concerned about that! I was to continue to do nothing and just rest....ugh....
This week I went in again for wound care...now 6 weeks out and everything seems to be healing well. I still have to go in every 2 weeks but, he cleared me to take a shower, light swim and even relax in a jacuzzi for a short time of course. He still wants me to keep it dry and not go too crazy...haha!
I'm doing good...just tired....It's been a LONG 7 months.
Denise xoxo!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
.......
I don't know how to even title this post without thinking.....Denise...really, your putting that. DELETE. Then I type another title...oh really...even worse. DELETE. I feel so blah and my title is making me depressed. No, really.....
Thinking back....Jackson has never hugged me or given me a kiss....ever. I thought it was just him. I thought well, he just isn't very emotional. Now I'm sad...thinking he may never hug me...or give me a kiss..or even talk. All my dreams I feel are gone. I don't want to think the worst. I want to have hope....but, when your faced with the worst it's all you think about. OK!! ENOUGH! I'm done going there! If you ever hear me being negative....smack me!!! HARD!!!! My Jack Jack will succeed. PERIOD!
I want to write about Jersey walking and all the cute things she's doing but, i feel myself thinking....but, is she autistic too or have something wrong with her....why isn't she pointing like other 1yr olds??? Why, why, why?!?!? I feel like a complete paranoid freak.
"Jersey...say ma-ma.....Jersey...wave.....Jersey say more......Jersey....say da-da......" Really??? I'm annoyed and kinda embarrassed I'm doing this.....She's14mos.
I hope this passes and I can become normal. I'm his voice. That's what I keep saying. My sons nurse (who has an Autistic son herself) told me to just deal with Jackson...one day and one thing at a time. I know I need to but, my mind is just racing. I just want to enjoy my kids not worry so much. I mean we all worry....but, do you cry (sob) everyday at anytime from worrying??? Yeah, it's just me....I feel like I shouldn't participate in anything fun because I don't want to bring everyone down with my sadness.....
I do have some amazing friends though.....they really are an amazing group of woman and I love them all.....
My husband tries to console me but, it's hard I'm sure for him too....
Jackson has testing 9/19 which seems so far away.....but, I'm glad its set. I'm hoping for the best. Keep praying...never stop!
Denise
Thinking back....Jackson has never hugged me or given me a kiss....ever. I thought it was just him. I thought well, he just isn't very emotional. Now I'm sad...thinking he may never hug me...or give me a kiss..or even talk. All my dreams I feel are gone. I don't want to think the worst. I want to have hope....but, when your faced with the worst it's all you think about. OK!! ENOUGH! I'm done going there! If you ever hear me being negative....smack me!!! HARD!!!! My Jack Jack will succeed. PERIOD!
I want to write about Jersey walking and all the cute things she's doing but, i feel myself thinking....but, is she autistic too or have something wrong with her....why isn't she pointing like other 1yr olds??? Why, why, why?!?!? I feel like a complete paranoid freak.
"Jersey...say ma-ma.....Jersey...wave.....Jersey say more......Jersey....say da-da......" Really??? I'm annoyed and kinda embarrassed I'm doing this.....She's14mos.
I hope this passes and I can become normal. I'm his voice. That's what I keep saying. My sons nurse (who has an Autistic son herself) told me to just deal with Jackson...one day and one thing at a time. I know I need to but, my mind is just racing. I just want to enjoy my kids not worry so much. I mean we all worry....but, do you cry (sob) everyday at anytime from worrying??? Yeah, it's just me....I feel like I shouldn't participate in anything fun because I don't want to bring everyone down with my sadness.....
I do have some amazing friends though.....they really are an amazing group of woman and I love them all.....
My husband tries to console me but, it's hard I'm sure for him too....
Jackson has testing 9/19 which seems so far away.....but, I'm glad its set. I'm hoping for the best. Keep praying...never stop!
Denise
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
When will the crying stop
I feel like one minute I'm good and then the next I'm sobbing.....I feel like I have a death in the family....I want to make Jackson Better! I don't want him to suffer in life. I just hope I can do whatever needs to be done and then some! I'm so angry and upset at myself. What could I have done differently while I was pregnant? What can I do now? I just don't know where to start....
I'm just so sad and I can't control my emotions right now.
We went on Monday to see his speech pathologist for the 2nd part of his assessment and now we just wait for auths for his speech therapy to begin. She said it should take about 2 weeks. I also spoke to Regional on Monday and they will be setting up another evaluation for him. Hopefully this all happens quickly so we can start therapy and work on his success.
Denise xoxo
I'm just so sad and I can't control my emotions right now.
We went on Monday to see his speech pathologist for the 2nd part of his assessment and now we just wait for auths for his speech therapy to begin. She said it should take about 2 weeks. I also spoke to Regional on Monday and they will be setting up another evaluation for him. Hopefully this all happens quickly so we can start therapy and work on his success.
Denise xoxo
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
When It Rains It Pours
Lots of stuff has been going on with my family......where do I start??? I feel like 2012 has been the greatest yet hardest year of my life!!!
1. Janae went to a concert at The Grove and fell. She was rushed to UCI where they did a CT of her back and everything was fine EXCEPT for a 2cm nodule on her Thyroid! WHAT! So I made an appt to see a Endocrinologist. He did 6 biopsies and they came back fine. She may need surgery to remove it still....we still have to go back.
2. While my husband was on vacation I made him an appt with our PCP and he had a physical.....we ultimately found out he has high cholesterol, Arthritis in his knees, and skin cancer. He's amess but I hope to get lots of it resolved and his health back on check. We go today to see a dermatologist to check the rest of his moles and we go see a reconstructive surgeon for the cancer on his ear. (hes seeing the same Dr who did my breast Reconstruction)
3. We were just told Jackson...my 2yr old may have Autism. I'm completely devastated over it and I'm in a panic to get him the help he needs. This will potentially turn our lives upside down. I just hope I do everything right by him. Now I'm paranoid that Jersey is showing signs of Autism....I hope not..I hope it's just me being crazy. Lets pray.
So I have hired a family friend to be a part-time Nanny for us. Since I don't have my parents I need the extra help. I'm really excited to get help with the kids so I can get stuff done! It's much needed! I hope she loves my kids and they don't drive her crazy....lol
I'll have updates on it all...so keep an eye out on my BLOG!
Denise xoxo
1. Janae went to a concert at The Grove and fell. She was rushed to UCI where they did a CT of her back and everything was fine EXCEPT for a 2cm nodule on her Thyroid! WHAT! So I made an appt to see a Endocrinologist. He did 6 biopsies and they came back fine. She may need surgery to remove it still....we still have to go back.
2. While my husband was on vacation I made him an appt with our PCP and he had a physical.....we ultimately found out he has high cholesterol, Arthritis in his knees, and skin cancer. He's amess but I hope to get lots of it resolved and his health back on check. We go today to see a dermatologist to check the rest of his moles and we go see a reconstructive surgeon for the cancer on his ear. (hes seeing the same Dr who did my breast Reconstruction)
3. We were just told Jackson...my 2yr old may have Autism. I'm completely devastated over it and I'm in a panic to get him the help he needs. This will potentially turn our lives upside down. I just hope I do everything right by him. Now I'm paranoid that Jersey is showing signs of Autism....I hope not..I hope it's just me being crazy. Lets pray.
So I have hired a family friend to be a part-time Nanny for us. Since I don't have my parents I need the extra help. I'm really excited to get help with the kids so I can get stuff done! It's much needed! I hope she loves my kids and they don't drive her crazy....lol
I'll have updates on it all...so keep an eye out on my BLOG!
Denise xoxo
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Exchange Surgery
Sorry I haven't been more on top of my post but lots has been going on! For now I'm just blogging about my exchange surgery!
On the days leading up to the "big" day I felt super excited and anxious. I wasn't sure what to expect. My doc said this surgery would be a lot easier than the 1st (which wasn't that bad) so that put me at ease..... I had my pre op on the 6th and surgery was scheduled for August 9th! I met with the PA and we went over size, shape...etc. I explained to her that I wanted fullness. That was it. I was happy with size and maybe a D would be good instead of the DD's the expander's were. She agreed and said they would most likely be around 600-650cc's. I was happy with that!
Surgery Day!
The day was here...the end of all this. My final phase. So surgery was scheduled for 1:30pm which meant I needed to check into the hospital at 11:30am. I get there, register and then wait for a nurse to call me back to get me ready for surgery. The nurse comes out; calls my name and tells my husband to wait here until they have me situated. Then he can come back. We kiss and I'm off! As we walk through the doors she says that Dr C. is running ahead of schedule and I will be going in as soon as they prep me. So....things went FAST!!! That kinda made me nervous.....I really didn't like being rushed but, I didn't complain....I was too nervous...lol! Anyways, they get the IV in and Dr C. comes in to mark me .....Then...I see my wonderful husbands face and I feel a sense of calmness.....Just seeing him made me realize....this is why I am here...to live! For him and my kids. Dr C. leaves and the Dr who will put me under comes in to ask a few questions. Then gives me my IV cocktail! Yup, now I feel sooooo goooood! And as fast as that I'm off the the operating room where I get some oxygen and that's all I really remember.....hahahaha! The next thing I know is I'm in recovery. I had slight pain on my sides but that was all. I tell him I have some pinching so he gives me a shot of narcotic...yuck!!!!! I HATE pain meds!!!!! About an hour later we are released!!! I get home around 5:30pm and lay down....I feel great only I'm super nauseous from all the medications. I have no pain, no discomfort and full range of motion (I was shocked)! My aunt came to visit and I was really nauseous still so I wasn't a great host.... I tried to sleep the meds off the rest of that evening.
The next day.....Day 1
I woke up at 5am! Feeling really good. Still no pain, no discomfort and full range of motion (FYI- till this day... I have never had pain, discomfort and was able to move my arms like before surgery ) I ate, walked around and even held my baby. This was really an easy surgery. I still didn't know what he did and how much was in. I was bandaged up so I couldn't see anything!!! but, I was driving by Saturday!
Post op!!!!! Reveal Day!!!!
I'm so anxious...I can hardly contain myself....I mean.... I felt like puking, I was excited...you get the picture hahaha. I went through all this and its almost over!!! The Dr's PA walks in and examines me....takes off the bandages and I get a peek at the FOOBS!!! WOW! So high and round! I love them....Still not settled completely but boy do they look goooooood! I ask...."Sooooo, whats the final number" 700cc's!!! Wow, really!! So I have High profile 700cc Silicone Implants. Nice!
Today; 12 days post exchange surgery and 3mo since my Bilateral Mastectomy.....
I feel great! Like I never had anything done! I went bathing suite shopping today and love my body! It's perfect! It's like having a built in push up bra! Its so amazing!!! I love them! It was a LONG process and my emotions have been pushed to the limit....but, I'd do it all over again. This saved my life. No question. Through this whole process it's made me think.....how did my mom do it???? She was really soooo strong and it must have been so hard for her. We were young and I'm sure she wanted to live. I have the chance now to live a long life due to amazing Dr's and medical breakthroughs.....My life will be long and full of joy. I promise to enjoy every minute of it....We have woman fighting the battle everyday. Lots are still loosing their lives and leaving behind families. It's devastating. It devastated my family tremendously. I can't express how blessed I am.....I can't even describe how I feel. I'm grateful.....extremely grateful.
Denise xoxo!
On the days leading up to the "big" day I felt super excited and anxious. I wasn't sure what to expect. My doc said this surgery would be a lot easier than the 1st (which wasn't that bad) so that put me at ease..... I had my pre op on the 6th and surgery was scheduled for August 9th! I met with the PA and we went over size, shape...etc. I explained to her that I wanted fullness. That was it. I was happy with size and maybe a D would be good instead of the DD's the expander's were. She agreed and said they would most likely be around 600-650cc's. I was happy with that!
Surgery Day!
The day was here...the end of all this. My final phase. So surgery was scheduled for 1:30pm which meant I needed to check into the hospital at 11:30am. I get there, register and then wait for a nurse to call me back to get me ready for surgery. The nurse comes out; calls my name and tells my husband to wait here until they have me situated. Then he can come back. We kiss and I'm off! As we walk through the doors she says that Dr C. is running ahead of schedule and I will be going in as soon as they prep me. So....things went FAST!!! That kinda made me nervous.....I really didn't like being rushed but, I didn't complain....I was too nervous...lol! Anyways, they get the IV in and Dr C. comes in to mark me .....Then...I see my wonderful husbands face and I feel a sense of calmness.....Just seeing him made me realize....this is why I am here...to live! For him and my kids. Dr C. leaves and the Dr who will put me under comes in to ask a few questions. Then gives me my IV cocktail! Yup, now I feel sooooo goooood! And as fast as that I'm off the the operating room where I get some oxygen and that's all I really remember.....hahahaha! The next thing I know is I'm in recovery. I had slight pain on my sides but that was all. I tell him I have some pinching so he gives me a shot of narcotic...yuck!!!!! I HATE pain meds!!!!! About an hour later we are released!!! I get home around 5:30pm and lay down....I feel great only I'm super nauseous from all the medications. I have no pain, no discomfort and full range of motion (I was shocked)! My aunt came to visit and I was really nauseous still so I wasn't a great host.... I tried to sleep the meds off the rest of that evening.
The next day.....Day 1
I woke up at 5am! Feeling really good. Still no pain, no discomfort and full range of motion (FYI- till this day... I have never had pain, discomfort and was able to move my arms like before surgery ) I ate, walked around and even held my baby. This was really an easy surgery. I still didn't know what he did and how much was in. I was bandaged up so I couldn't see anything!!! but, I was driving by Saturday!
Post op!!!!! Reveal Day!!!!
I'm so anxious...I can hardly contain myself....I mean.... I felt like puking, I was excited...you get the picture hahaha. I went through all this and its almost over!!! The Dr's PA walks in and examines me....takes off the bandages and I get a peek at the FOOBS!!! WOW! So high and round! I love them....Still not settled completely but boy do they look goooooood! I ask...."Sooooo, whats the final number" 700cc's!!! Wow, really!! So I have High profile 700cc Silicone Implants. Nice!
Today; 12 days post exchange surgery and 3mo since my Bilateral Mastectomy.....
I feel great! Like I never had anything done! I went bathing suite shopping today and love my body! It's perfect! It's like having a built in push up bra! Its so amazing!!! I love them! It was a LONG process and my emotions have been pushed to the limit....but, I'd do it all over again. This saved my life. No question. Through this whole process it's made me think.....how did my mom do it???? She was really soooo strong and it must have been so hard for her. We were young and I'm sure she wanted to live. I have the chance now to live a long life due to amazing Dr's and medical breakthroughs.....My life will be long and full of joy. I promise to enjoy every minute of it....We have woman fighting the battle everyday. Lots are still loosing their lives and leaving behind families. It's devastating. It devastated my family tremendously. I can't express how blessed I am.....I can't even describe how I feel. I'm grateful.....extremely grateful.
Denise xoxo!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Emotions
Today I let my emotions get the best of me. Maybe I needed a good cry.....
I took my Jersey girl to the Dr for her 12mo check up. She is growing great and meeting all her milestones but, at the end of her check up the Dr starts to tell me that he hears that she now has a heart murmur and he wants her to get an Echo cardiogram along with other testing. As he's explaining what test she needs I start to cry (which I don't do often) I am the type of person that picks up, does what I have to do and moves on...no time for tears kinda attitude. I just couldn't help to think that something...a valve may be wrong with my precious baby. My Dr is aware of my health issues and is very understanding and tries to console me but, this wasn't the news I wanted to hear...not now...not ever. I cried...and cried....sobbed....I'm still pretty shaken up.....It may be nothing but, it also could be something.....I just want the test done and I want to know what we do next....so until then I will feel horrible and hold her just a little bit tighter...I will hold all of them a little bit tighter.
I hope God is done giving me these lessons because this emotional roller coaster is getting to me and It's wearing me down. I just hope I can hold it together and be strong.
Denise
I took my Jersey girl to the Dr for her 12mo check up. She is growing great and meeting all her milestones but, at the end of her check up the Dr starts to tell me that he hears that she now has a heart murmur and he wants her to get an Echo cardiogram along with other testing. As he's explaining what test she needs I start to cry (which I don't do often) I am the type of person that picks up, does what I have to do and moves on...no time for tears kinda attitude. I just couldn't help to think that something...a valve may be wrong with my precious baby. My Dr is aware of my health issues and is very understanding and tries to console me but, this wasn't the news I wanted to hear...not now...not ever. I cried...and cried....sobbed....I'm still pretty shaken up.....It may be nothing but, it also could be something.....I just want the test done and I want to know what we do next....so until then I will feel horrible and hold her just a little bit tighter...I will hold all of them a little bit tighter.
I hope God is done giving me these lessons because this emotional roller coaster is getting to me and It's wearing me down. I just hope I can hold it together and be strong.
Denise
Thursday, July 26, 2012
The latest on My Clan!
The kids are all getting soooo big!
Janae is now 16 and just told me she's not in any rush to drive....That was news to me but I'm kinda relieved...phew! She is growing into such a wonderful woman. It's really a pleasure to be her mom. She really respects me and I appreciate and respect HER for that.
My beautiful Janae!
Jayden....He is such a bright, energetic, fun loving little guy! Jayden just turned 4 and makes me laugh all the time! He has a BFF named Taylor...him and Taylor are a crack up...they fight and get on each other nerves but, in the end are besties....They get upset, and then move on like kids should...lol! He is attending preschool and is really enjoying that! He is a bright kid and is a joy to be around!!
The oh so silly Jayden!
Jackson- The terrible 2's are in full effect over here with this little guy! But, Jackson is my sweetie pie and brings so much joy to my heart. He is the cutest little guy and he will steal your heart too. His presence is breathtaking....he really is just full of sweetness!
Action Jackson at his 2nd birthday party!
My Jersey Girl- The feisty oh so sassy miss Jersey! She is def keeping up with her brothers and pulling her own weight. She is def making a mark on this family. She is a funny, spunky, full of life little girl! I just love her contagious smile and booty dance! She make me laugh soooo much! To me....she's a combo of Jackson and Jayden....which makes for a amazing personality! My 13mo old is a DIVA!!
The beautiful and always elegant Jersey.
Denise xoxo!
Not so good at this.....
I really need to post more and put my life down on paper...
Life right now is a little complicated for me...I need Oprah back on TV, ha! But, really it's not where I want my mind to be and I know things need to change......In me. I wish I had everything figured out but, I just don't. I guess we are always learning new things..learning things about ourselves and the people around us. I like to think I'm a very up front person and I don't deal well with fake people too well. Sometimes I can come off harsh but, I say what I need to say....and I move on. I don't hold a grudge or talk behind someones back. If I don't like something you have done you know it....I'm just not good at hiding my emotions....not completely proud of that but, it's the truth! If I like you you totally know it too..lol!! Well...not all people are that way. People like to talk about anyone and everyone. I just need to stay true to myself and not stray away from that.
Other than that life is pretty GREAT!! I have a crazy life right now!! It's summer time! I am Helping out a good friend of mine with a MOMMY GROUP this summer and we have been super busy with that! We have done some really fun stuff and I LOVE all the moms and their little ones! They make my day just a little brighter!
Having 4 kids, a home and not too much help with daily stuff is a little hard and I try not to let that get to me but, I'm human and it's tough sometimes. In the end I love my life and everyone in it! Ups, downs...the good and the bad....we all get through it somehow!
Ahh, and my husband....my life...my rock. He's just ahhhhmazing. It's like a fairy tale really....I mean we have disagreements and I don't always like him but, one thing for sure....I will ALWAYS love him! He believes in me....The no make up...crazy bed hair with baby poop on my shirt...he loves me and believes in ME like no one EVER has. That's hard to find...I know. I was married before to a man who didn't believe in himself. My husband is so confident, the most non judgemental person I have EVER met! He inspires me to be better. To be genuine. To see people for who they are truly....not for what they can offer or what they have. Just love them for who they are....That's what he teaches me everyday. AND! He doesn't teach me by words....he teaches me by actions. It's pretty amazing to be his partner. Yup...he has my heart.
Well, to end I have to say I love all my friends and family...We all have faults and things we need to work on and I'm not judging anyone. I'm speaking for my self. I think all the people in my life are amazing and have a lot of GREAT, AMAZING qualities. Those are the things I look for! The inner person. Their greatness! And, all the people in my life are pretty fantastic! The ones that are "fake" will weed themselves out on it's own....Like I said I'm going to stay true to myself and keep on chugging :)
Good night loves! MUAH!
Denise xoxo!
De
Life right now is a little complicated for me...I need Oprah back on TV, ha! But, really it's not where I want my mind to be and I know things need to change......In me. I wish I had everything figured out but, I just don't. I guess we are always learning new things..learning things about ourselves and the people around us. I like to think I'm a very up front person and I don't deal well with fake people too well. Sometimes I can come off harsh but, I say what I need to say....and I move on. I don't hold a grudge or talk behind someones back. If I don't like something you have done you know it....I'm just not good at hiding my emotions....not completely proud of that but, it's the truth! If I like you you totally know it too..lol!! Well...not all people are that way. People like to talk about anyone and everyone. I just need to stay true to myself and not stray away from that.
Other than that life is pretty GREAT!! I have a crazy life right now!! It's summer time! I am Helping out a good friend of mine with a MOMMY GROUP this summer and we have been super busy with that! We have done some really fun stuff and I LOVE all the moms and their little ones! They make my day just a little brighter!
Having 4 kids, a home and not too much help with daily stuff is a little hard and I try not to let that get to me but, I'm human and it's tough sometimes. In the end I love my life and everyone in it! Ups, downs...the good and the bad....we all get through it somehow!
Ahh, and my husband....my life...my rock. He's just ahhhhmazing. It's like a fairy tale really....I mean we have disagreements and I don't always like him but, one thing for sure....I will ALWAYS love him! He believes in me....The no make up...crazy bed hair with baby poop on my shirt...he loves me and believes in ME like no one EVER has. That's hard to find...I know. I was married before to a man who didn't believe in himself. My husband is so confident, the most non judgemental person I have EVER met! He inspires me to be better. To be genuine. To see people for who they are truly....not for what they can offer or what they have. Just love them for who they are....That's what he teaches me everyday. AND! He doesn't teach me by words....he teaches me by actions. It's pretty amazing to be his partner. Yup...he has my heart.
Well, to end I have to say I love all my friends and family...We all have faults and things we need to work on and I'm not judging anyone. I'm speaking for my self. I think all the people in my life are amazing and have a lot of GREAT, AMAZING qualities. Those are the things I look for! The inner person. Their greatness! And, all the people in my life are pretty fantastic! The ones that are "fake" will weed themselves out on it's own....Like I said I'm going to stay true to myself and keep on chugging :)
Good night loves! MUAH!
Denise xoxo!
De
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
So much to say but, where do I start...
Well...I haven't blogged in a while and I'm not really gonna go into everything tonight. Sorry....
I just want to put up a pic of the FOOBS! I am now 3mo out!!! Woohoo! 550cc's!!
I just want to put up a pic of the FOOBS! I am now 3mo out!!! Woohoo! 550cc's!!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Final fill and the start of phase 2!
Well I decided to go with 700cc's! Right now I have about 550cc. I'm so happy with the size I am now and I feel it fits my body perfect! It's so hard to believe they removed close to 1200cc of my own breast tissue!! Wow! I didn't realize how big I was! I don't even miss them! I kinda just miss my nipples!!! Lol! Is that weird?!?! I don't really care if it is...they were so pretty....ha ha!
Anyways, I am in phase 2: settling of the expanders which takes about 3mo then my exchange surgery!!! Woohoo!
So right now I have 550cc and my dr will order a 700cc silicone implant. Because of the shape of silicone implants they are more round and they loose volume but he will also put some volume in as well. That's why he's ordering a 700cc implant to offset that and make me a cup size bigger all at the same time (this also saves me drone having more painful fills) So I'll be a cup size bigger than I am right now! The surgery will take about 2hrs. They will re cut my mastectomy incision and remove any skin (I do have some skin because I had a non nipple skin sparing mastectomy) he will also adjust the placement because the expanders are shaped like footballs they are more under my arms. He will place them towards the middle, like real boobs I guess. Then Pull the skin tight and make them look oh so lovely! I'm so excited! I can't believe they will look any better! I'm in love with them now! I show them off all the time. Oh! And I'm obsessed with boobs right now...I guess because that's my whole focus right now....lol!
My surgery will be sometime in Aug....I think I may do the 3rd week...don't know why just seems like a good time for me ;) he said I will be down for about 5-7 days but knowing me it will be 2 days ha!
He also said I can wear a bra now! Here is a bra I had in my drawer...a DD, and it fits!
Denise xoxo!
Anyways, I am in phase 2: settling of the expanders which takes about 3mo then my exchange surgery!!! Woohoo!
So right now I have 550cc and my dr will order a 700cc silicone implant. Because of the shape of silicone implants they are more round and they loose volume but he will also put some volume in as well. That's why he's ordering a 700cc implant to offset that and make me a cup size bigger all at the same time (this also saves me drone having more painful fills) So I'll be a cup size bigger than I am right now! The surgery will take about 2hrs. They will re cut my mastectomy incision and remove any skin (I do have some skin because I had a non nipple skin sparing mastectomy) he will also adjust the placement because the expanders are shaped like footballs they are more under my arms. He will place them towards the middle, like real boobs I guess. Then Pull the skin tight and make them look oh so lovely! I'm so excited! I can't believe they will look any better! I'm in love with them now! I show them off all the time. Oh! And I'm obsessed with boobs right now...I guess because that's my whole focus right now....lol!
My surgery will be sometime in Aug....I think I may do the 3rd week...don't know why just seems like a good time for me ;) he said I will be down for about 5-7 days but knowing me it will be 2 days ha!
He also said I can wear a bra now! Here is a bra I had in my drawer...a DD, and it fits!
Denise xoxo!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day!
Wasn't that good...I miss my mother....I love my kids and I'm blessed to be a mom....that's all.
Sorry I haven't written in a while. Life is really good and I'm enjoying the fact I feel AHHHHMAZING!!!!!
I have been shopping a lot lately because I have been loosing weight and have been between M/L dresses so I've had to purchase some new clothes. I still don't feel comfortable in jeans cause the booty is out of control...ha ha! I love love my curves and I'm not trying to loose weight or anything just eating healthier....
I also started swimsuit shopping! I love bathing suits and love my body in them! Now with the new FOOBS I love clothes on! Ever since I hit 30 I just feel so good in my skin. Im sure my husband has something to do with it but I'm glad I'm in this place! It's a very happy place!!!!!
Happy Mother's Day loves....wish I had more to post about this day.....
Sorry I haven't written in a while. Life is really good and I'm enjoying the fact I feel AHHHHMAZING!!!!!
I have been shopping a lot lately because I have been loosing weight and have been between M/L dresses so I've had to purchase some new clothes. I still don't feel comfortable in jeans cause the booty is out of control...ha ha! I love love my curves and I'm not trying to loose weight or anything just eating healthier....
I also started swimsuit shopping! I love bathing suits and love my body in them! Now with the new FOOBS I love clothes on! Ever since I hit 30 I just feel so good in my skin. Im sure my husband has something to do with it but I'm glad I'm in this place! It's a very happy place!!!!!
Happy Mother's Day loves....wish I had more to post about this day.....
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sunday!
Today I went to church with 2 of my 4 kids. It went really well! I was excited to see all my friends and it felt good to get out of the house and do my normal things!!! I love seeing everyone's smiles ....especially all the babies...who are btw getting sooo big! It was a really great day! I do get a little tired and still need to rest. My body is just not in sync with my mind right now...it's a little frustrating but, I know it will also get there! My dr said its normal to feel tired...most people do for a while. I guess because I don't sleep very well still. But...I must say...my nights have gotten much much better! I just can't wait to sleep on my tummy!!! Now that would be awesome!!!!!!
But, I was so happy to attend Church! Pain free and healthy! I'm almost done with all this and this journey has been long....from my mothers 12yr battle with Breast Cancer and also my grandmothers fight with breast cancer. To me loosing them both to it and now my fight to live...I'm glad to cut my chances and hopefully never put my family through it! I feel I'm wining the battle everyday! I will get to see things the 2 most important woman in my life never did! This is an honor and I plan to enjoy every part of it! Till God calls me! I will embrace this life he has set for me...as best I can!
Denise xoxo!
But, I was so happy to attend Church! Pain free and healthy! I'm almost done with all this and this journey has been long....from my mothers 12yr battle with Breast Cancer and also my grandmothers fight with breast cancer. To me loosing them both to it and now my fight to live...I'm glad to cut my chances and hopefully never put my family through it! I feel I'm wining the battle everyday! I will get to see things the 2 most important woman in my life never did! This is an honor and I plan to enjoy every part of it! Till God calls me! I will embrace this life he has set for me...as best I can!
Denise xoxo!
Monday, April 30, 2012
No pain!
Well I'm not having anymore pain! I had a fill on Wed which left me a little sore for a few hours but that's about it!!! I'm over the moon excited!!! My dr said to still take it easy and ease into things because I can mess up placement.
I can hold my baby...ahhh, that makes me so happy! I can hug my babies....it hurt so bad I couldn't even do that! I'm excited for more fills! I'm not afraid!!! Bring them on!!
My husband took some great pics of me and my 480cc FOOBS!
I can hold my baby...ahhh, that makes me so happy! I can hug my babies....it hurt so bad I couldn't even do that! I'm excited for more fills! I'm not afraid!!! Bring them on!!
My husband took some great pics of me and my 480cc FOOBS!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
1 month post Prophalactic Masectomy w/Reconstruction
Well I am 1 month out after having my PMR! I feel really good today! I'm in total shock because I had a full yesterday and today I have no pain!!!! What a shocker!!! Lately the most painful part of all this were the fills!!! I have 480cc so far and I absolutely love my FOOBS! They are high and oh so pretty. They are not at the size I want I have about 4 more fills left. My spirits ate do good right now. I really thought I was gonna be in pain. So I am very happy to report how well I feel ;).
Here is my cleavage! I have cleavage after having a Masectomy!!! Crazy!
Here is my cleavage! I have cleavage after having a Masectomy!!! Crazy!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
480cc! 4 more fills to go!
Today was my fill! Got another 60cc! I feel ok, just really sore! I love the way they are coming along! Today my dr and I had a heart to heart. He knows this is a hard process and it's been a month. He told me its ok to have bad days. This is a long process. My brain and my body are pretty much on 2 different planets! My brain says I can do it all and my body says slow down S A! That's not always easy to swallow. But I'm so glad I have great drs who are so down to earth and willing to sit with me and help wipe the tears. This whole process has been an eye opening experience. With my feeling of grief to my own worries of my kids and husband. I'm very thankful for it all. I'm a very lucky woman!
So here is what 480cc looks like! I am more than half way there! 700/800cc is the goal!!
So here is what 480cc looks like! I am more than half way there! 700/800cc is the goal!!
My sweet Jersey
Jersey is now 10 months old and things are happening so fast!
She is wearing 18-24mo. She is such a happy baby!! She started crawling 2mo ago and is getting into everything! She is trying to pull herself up onto furniture so I'm sure walking is not too far away. She also says ma ma and da da! She is just thriving and growing so fast! I can't believe she will be 1 in just 2mo!!! I bought her a handmade Alice dress and it is to die for!!! Her Alice in Wonderland birthday party will be soooo cute!! I'm excited to see it all come together! I have been buying little things here and there! I have also got some hand painted Alice tea sets...so cute!
Jersey is such a joy! She is our precious baby and she truly completes our family! Yes, I said completes! Jersey may be our last baby! Sad to say but we are really enjoying our 4 and I don't really feel like doing it again. 4 is a great number ;)!
Denise xoxo
Here is the happy girl...10mo old!!!
She is wearing 18-24mo. She is such a happy baby!! She started crawling 2mo ago and is getting into everything! She is trying to pull herself up onto furniture so I'm sure walking is not too far away. She also says ma ma and da da! She is just thriving and growing so fast! I can't believe she will be 1 in just 2mo!!! I bought her a handmade Alice dress and it is to die for!!! Her Alice in Wonderland birthday party will be soooo cute!! I'm excited to see it all come together! I have been buying little things here and there! I have also got some hand painted Alice tea sets...so cute!
Jersey is such a joy! She is our precious baby and she truly completes our family! Yes, I said completes! Jersey may be our last baby! Sad to say but we are really enjoying our 4 and I don't really feel like doing it again. 4 is a great number ;)!
Denise xoxo
Here is the happy girl...10mo old!!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Another horrible day....
Things lately have been so hard. I find myself missing my mom and grandma more and more. I hate feeling so alone....raising my kids with no real grandparents or an outlet for my kids....it's so hard to know they will never have that experience. I hate to feel sorry for myself. Its just so sad. Really sad that I can't just call my mom and tell her hey! Whatcha doing? Can the kids and I come by??? Or come visit me, I'm having a bad day...the kids are out of control. I guess that's why I decided to do this. I never want my kids to go through that. Never.
I kinda feel like this surgery brought up do many awful feelings...ugh! I hate this I hate feeling this way. It's been 16yrs. Well, it is what it is. I can't change anything. I guess I just have to deal with things as they happen.
It doesn't help that my husband and daughter are slobs and they are not keeping up the house like they should! Ugh...it drives me MAD!!!
I kinda feel like this surgery brought up do many awful feelings...ugh! I hate this I hate feeling this way. It's been 16yrs. Well, it is what it is. I can't change anything. I guess I just have to deal with things as they happen.
It doesn't help that my husband and daughter are slobs and they are not keeping up the house like they should! Ugh...it drives me MAD!!!
Friday, April 20, 2012
What I feel right now!
It's. 2:30am so obviously this is not a happy blog! I am so filled with emotion right now! I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm so miserable! The 1st 2 weeks weren't that bad....then 3 weeks comes. I mean when is this gonna be over??? 6-8 weeks???!!! Fuck me!!!!! I have to sleep on my back and I can't move...I can't fuckin get comfortable! I want to punch someone in the face! What am I going to do!?!? My anxiety is out of control! I'm obsessed with my boobs too and I want to at least get to 700cc. I'm at 420cc so I have at least 4 more fills. That 4 more weeks! Of pain...alot of pain. Now I want to cry. Sorry for sounding so crazy right now but I'm feeling overwhelmed.
And I feel so helpless. So completely helpless. My kids have their 16 year old sister taking care of them and she's doing as good as can be but I love for my kids to eat good and play outside and she does neither. I just wish I felt good enough to take care of them. I just wish I wasn't in pain! I'm gonna post a pic of my surgery. I just took it tonight. It's graphic and I have incisions I am still taking care of. They are a T shape and go all the way under my arms. I just have to show you what I'm going through 3 weeks after my surgery. This is just the hardest thing I have gone through and I hate that my family has to take care of me. I think that's what it all comes down to.
Denise
And I feel so helpless. So completely helpless. My kids have their 16 year old sister taking care of them and she's doing as good as can be but I love for my kids to eat good and play outside and she does neither. I just wish I felt good enough to take care of them. I just wish I wasn't in pain! I'm gonna post a pic of my surgery. I just took it tonight. It's graphic and I have incisions I am still taking care of. They are a T shape and go all the way under my arms. I just have to show you what I'm going through 3 weeks after my surgery. This is just the hardest thing I have gone through and I hate that my family has to take care of me. I think that's what it all comes down to.
Denise
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Feeling much better! Time to do stuff!
I am feeling much much better today! Yesterday my husband took the day off! I felt no stress and was so so happy to have him here! I absolutely love this man....he makes me feel ahhhhmazing! I got to rest and not worry about a thing!
The only thing I will complain about is.....I put a t-shirt on and I looked ridiculously flat! Remember how I said 1-2 more fills....I'm taking that back. I may do 4-6 more fills. My body needs bigger FOOBS! My husband says I don't need anymore but I do! I definitely do! So more pain I guess too! Ugh!
I really want to try to do as much as I can before wed (the next fill). Maybe Dland tonight....we have a fair coming up! And Dland some more ;)!
Denise xoxo
The only thing I will complain about is.....I put a t-shirt on and I looked ridiculously flat! Remember how I said 1-2 more fills....I'm taking that back. I may do 4-6 more fills. My body needs bigger FOOBS! My husband says I don't need anymore but I do! I definitely do! So more pain I guess too! Ugh!
I really want to try to do as much as I can before wed (the next fill). Maybe Dland tonight....we have a fair coming up! And Dland some more ;)!
Denise xoxo
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Venting!
I'm going to complain! A lot! I got a fill on Monday and I'm in extreme pain! I also have some fluid build up. My chest hurts so much. The fills have been the most painful thing. Not even the initial surgery hurt. But, these fills are kicking my but. My chest is on fire and is soooooooo tight!!! Last night my wonderful husband was up with me. He started a bath for me and gave me a pain pill....he then helped me out of the tub....making sure my surgical sites didn't get wet. He helped me into bed and rubbed my hands and arms till I fell asleep. He is so amazing and really makes me feel amazing. Thank goodness for good husbands!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Getting bigger by the minute!
Today since my drains were not draining as much I called my doc at 8am to see if they could squeeze me in to take these horrible things out of my body!
They got me in at 10am and oh was I excited!!!! They called me back and at that time I saw I was gonna get another fill! Yay me! so I got undressed and waited. He came in and said the golden words....we are removing your drains! Thank you God!!!!! So he removes the right one....but, first days that I will feel a wired sensation across my chest. So I brace myself.....oh boy was that's weird!!! Like a snake coming right out of me....ewwww. Then immediate following was a gush of fluid...teah, grosss! So he does the left. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. Oh, did I mention the right side I have more feeling in so, it makes sense. Well, that's over and it didn't hurt...just felt super gross! It was super gross!
I got my fill. That was fast. And....I'm done for today! Yay! Phew! It's over and Wed I can take a shower. Yes!!! Ahhhhhh, finally! My husband said if anyone needs me I'll be busy in the shower...ha ha ha! He's right! I can't wait!
Here are the FOOBS! They look great and I think I will only go for 2 more fill! I'm in a C bra and I love the way they look ;)
Denise xoxo
They got me in at 10am and oh was I excited!!!! They called me back and at that time I saw I was gonna get another fill! Yay me! so I got undressed and waited. He came in and said the golden words....we are removing your drains! Thank you God!!!!! So he removes the right one....but, first days that I will feel a wired sensation across my chest. So I brace myself.....oh boy was that's weird!!! Like a snake coming right out of me....ewwww. Then immediate following was a gush of fluid...teah, grosss! So he does the left. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. Oh, did I mention the right side I have more feeling in so, it makes sense. Well, that's over and it didn't hurt...just felt super gross! It was super gross!
I got my fill. That was fast. And....I'm done for today! Yay! Phew! It's over and Wed I can take a shower. Yes!!! Ahhhhhh, finally! My husband said if anyone needs me I'll be busy in the shower...ha ha ha! He's right! I can't wait!
Here are the FOOBS! They look great and I think I will only go for 2 more fill! I'm in a C bra and I love the way they look ;)
Denise xoxo
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Cleavage!!!
Since my fill last wed I have been pretty sore! Today I am feeling much better! The Mr and I are even going on a date tonight! I'm actually feeling a lil sexy ;) They are super high right now but my plastic surgeon says they will drop a little as time goes by. But, he also pointed out that my natural breast sat pretty high so its just my genes! Thanks mom and dad! Ha!
Here's a pic of my cleavage! I will post more topless pics soon ;) I'm super happy with them! My body looks great with smaller FOOBS! I have a figure!!!!
Here's a pic of my cleavage! I will post more topless pics soon ;) I'm super happy with them! My body looks great with smaller FOOBS! I have a figure!!!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Ooooh, fill me up please
So yesterday was my first fill and I forgot my camera!! Sorry no pics! Anyways, it was super painless. I thought I was gonna fill the fill lol! But, I didn't. He also checked my drains which like I said before were draining a lot still so of course they were left in :( When I got home I felt good.....ha!
I went to bed with my husband by my side. At 1am I woke up to him on top of my left side! I was in so much pain! I thought my drains came out! I was like...wth is going on! I was all sweaty...from him! Ugh! Since then I've been in pain. My chest muscles hurt so bad I can barely move. Wow! My FOOBS are so high! I'm hoping with more fills they come down! I didn't feel it yesterday but it just kicked in! Wow! No pain no gain I guess! And no bras....ha! So I'm assuming every fill will make me sore until my muscle relaxes. Great. Great. 6-7 more weeks of this....yay :-/
So here are some pics of my expanders. They are not natural at all!!! The grey thing on them that is what my plastic surgeon scans for with a magnet. That is where he fills me up!!!! Chowwww!
Denise xoxo
I went to bed with my husband by my side. At 1am I woke up to him on top of my left side! I was in so much pain! I thought my drains came out! I was like...wth is going on! I was all sweaty...from him! Ugh! Since then I've been in pain. My chest muscles hurt so bad I can barely move. Wow! My FOOBS are so high! I'm hoping with more fills they come down! I didn't feel it yesterday but it just kicked in! Wow! No pain no gain I guess! And no bras....ha! So I'm assuming every fill will make me sore until my muscle relaxes. Great. Great. 6-7 more weeks of this....yay :-/
So here are some pics of my expanders. They are not natural at all!!! The grey thing on them that is what my plastic surgeon scans for with a magnet. That is where he fills me up!!!! Chowwww!
Denise xoxo
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Easter Recap!
Easter was super fun! Especially the entire Easter weekend! So for Easter we started off our day by getting my crazy family ready for church. Jayden performed 2 songs with the primary kids! They did great! Especially him!
We all came home for snacks and a quick nap before we headed over to family for festivities!!!!
At 2pm we headed over to my aunt and uncles in Whittier where they had tons of food, crafts, and a water slide jumper for the kids! My boys were the stars of the Easter party! 5min into our arrival they wasted no time and jumped right into the water! Doing flips and tricks they had us all laughing hysterically! They are only barely 2&3 our boys are so crazy but I live love it!!!! They have no fear! We had a huge Easter egg hunt and a piñata to hit and they scored tons of candy! We ended it with hot fudge Sundays....yum! It was another great Easter!
We all came home for snacks and a quick nap before we headed over to family for festivities!!!!
At 2pm we headed over to my aunt and uncles in Whittier where they had tons of food, crafts, and a water slide jumper for the kids! My boys were the stars of the Easter party! 5min into our arrival they wasted no time and jumped right into the water! Doing flips and tricks they had us all laughing hysterically! They are only barely 2&3 our boys are so crazy but I live love it!!!! They have no fear! We had a huge Easter egg hunt and a piñata to hit and they scored tons of candy! We ended it with hot fudge Sundays....yum! It was another great Easter!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Blah...
Today I slept a lot. That's all I can do. This experience has been extremely hard for me. I can barely do anything. So I'm sleeping and I kinda feel a little depressed. Theses darn drains are killing me! I need them out! I need my crazy life back!!! Ugh! Once the drains come out I'll be able to drive...pick up my babies and have some sort of normalcy ;) anyways! I hate these drains! They suck!!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter everyone! So far today is turning out to be a wonderful day. My husband Dale took today off to attend Church with us because Jayden was singing today, he did so good! I was very proud! We are now home relaxing before we go over to my uncles house to celebrate this beautiful day. Their will be a jumper/water slide, food, games and a piñata! It should be tons of fun!
He is risen! Happy Easter all!!
Denise xoxo!
Here are a few pics from our family BBQ/egg dying extravaganza!! Enjoy!
He is risen! Happy Easter all!!
Denise xoxo!
Here are a few pics from our family BBQ/egg dying extravaganza!! Enjoy!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Fun filled day!!
Today I am 9 days post bilateral mastectomy! Woohoo! I feel really great except for these dreaded drain! Ugh!!!! I hate hate hate them!! They itch, burn, hurt....and I can't wear anything to conceal them!! They are not fun at all! I'm still draining 110ml in a 24h period! Ugh. Ugh. I know they will be in at least another week and a half....maybe longer! They do serve a purpose...a very good one. But....I still HATE THEM!
Anyways, today my cousin had a BBQ and we also dyed eggs. It was nice to get out and not think of my surgery even though everyone talked about it and I cried.....they talked about how strong I am like my mom was....Funny, I don't feel like I can be in the same catagory as my wonderful selfless mother. She was a saint and my hero!!! I'm not that. I just did what any mother faced with cancer would do! I did what I had to do for my family! Anyways, it was fun and I love to hear stories of my mother.....I never want them to stop. The crying just comes out cause I miss her so so so much! So I love hearing about her. Oh!!! My cousin plays on a softball team and on the back of his jersey he put a pink ribbon in honor of me and my mother ;) it was the sweetest thing! Family is really amazing! Today was a great day!
Denise xoxo
Here is the Jersey!!! Awesome!!!
Anyways, today my cousin had a BBQ and we also dyed eggs. It was nice to get out and not think of my surgery even though everyone talked about it and I cried.....they talked about how strong I am like my mom was....Funny, I don't feel like I can be in the same catagory as my wonderful selfless mother. She was a saint and my hero!!! I'm not that. I just did what any mother faced with cancer would do! I did what I had to do for my family! Anyways, it was fun and I love to hear stories of my mother.....I never want them to stop. The crying just comes out cause I miss her so so so much! So I love hearing about her. Oh!!! My cousin plays on a softball team and on the back of his jersey he put a pink ribbon in honor of me and my mother ;) it was the sweetest thing! Family is really amazing! Today was a great day!
Denise xoxo
Here is the Jersey!!! Awesome!!!
Friday, April 6, 2012
Today.....Day 6 post op
Today I am super thankful for my amazing daughter! She has been here taking care of her brothers, sister and me. It's hard to take care of all of us....especially me! I like my house clean, I like the kids clean and dressed , I like for the kids to have routine and with my surgery I have to let a lot slide. It's hard for me!!!!! Really hard! But, she is trying her best and doing a really good job. She has her own issues.. She is medically homeschooled right now which is heaven sent right now. She has tummy issues that are completely under control so we just decided along with her Dr that she stay out for the rest of the year just to be safe ;) she is really the best! The best!!!!
I do miss my husband during the day too. I know it's hard on Janae and she complains like we all do at times. Dale just makes me feel gooood! He is so loving. When he comes home he always makes sure he gives me a kiss. Feeds us all, washes clothes AND folds them! He has really stepped it up because I can barely walk at this point. I have my ups and downs and when I start to get depressed about my body he tells me how beautiful I am. Then he stops me...looks me in the eyes and says "this was the best decision. You made the best decision. Stop baby" and I do! He always brings me right back when I'm giving up or acting crazy...lol! He is an amazing man and he has brought out the best in my daughter and I! We love him!!
I do miss my husband during the day too. I know it's hard on Janae and she complains like we all do at times. Dale just makes me feel gooood! He is so loving. When he comes home he always makes sure he gives me a kiss. Feeds us all, washes clothes AND folds them! He has really stepped it up because I can barely walk at this point. I have my ups and downs and when I start to get depressed about my body he tells me how beautiful I am. Then he stops me...looks me in the eyes and says "this was the best decision. You made the best decision. Stop baby" and I do! He always brings me right back when I'm giving up or acting crazy...lol! He is an amazing man and he has brought out the best in my daughter and I! We love him!!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
So Sweet!
Tonight I overheard my husband say the sweetest things to my boys. He told them when they grow up they should marry someone like their mom. She's strong, beautiful, she's a great mommy and she's caring! He is really the sweetest, most supportive person I know! The truth is he makes me all those things because of his love and how genuine he is. He makes me happy and when a woman is happy she is at her best! So cheers to great husbands! Love you babe and thank you for all you are and everything you do xoxo!
Good night and sleep tight!
Denise xoxo
Good night and sleep tight!
Denise xoxo
1 week post op!
I am 1 week post op and I feel really good! I went and got my nails done yesterday ;) but, the last 2 days I have been so tired. I'm just resting as much as I can (without going crazy). I really hate these dreaded drains though!!! I can't take a shower and wash my hair! I can only sit in the bath and wash which is better than nothing...lol!!
Today is a good day....I'm just tired and a little weak. I know it will get better ;)
Denise xoxo
Today is a good day....I'm just tired and a little weak. I know it will get better ;)
Denise xoxo
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
1st visit with the Plastic Surgeon!!!
Well, this morning was my 1st visit with my ps ;) I was so excited!
1- I get these itchy bandages off.
2- I get to see my FOOBS
3- I get to ask ????'s
So, I saw the new girls and I'm super happy with them! I have some fat I am not happy about but I'm on this diet (I have lost 7lbs already!!!) in order to be at an ideal weight closer to my exchange surgery ;) no fill was done today and by the end I will be a small D!!! Woot woot! My dreaded drains did not come out because they are still draining quite a bit! Holy hell they itch!!!!! Ugh! And as kind as they are in I can't shower! Blast these drains (fist in the air) but that's all! Day 6 and I feel ahhh mazing!!
I posted a few pics! The procedure that I has was skin sparing. That's why you see some saggy skin. That will tighten up and stretch out with each fill ;)
Denise xoxo
1- I get these itchy bandages off.
2- I get to see my FOOBS
3- I get to ask ????'s
So, I saw the new girls and I'm super happy with them! I have some fat I am not happy about but I'm on this diet (I have lost 7lbs already!!!) in order to be at an ideal weight closer to my exchange surgery ;) no fill was done today and by the end I will be a small D!!! Woot woot! My dreaded drains did not come out because they are still draining quite a bit! Holy hell they itch!!!!! Ugh! And as kind as they are in I can't shower! Blast these drains (fist in the air) but that's all! Day 6 and I feel ahhh mazing!!
I posted a few pics! The procedure that I has was skin sparing. That's why you see some saggy skin. That will tighten up and stretch out with each fill ;)
Denise xoxo
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Bilateral Masectomy w/Reconstuction day 5
It's day 5 post op! I feel great! Not having any pain other than these god awful drains per trudging from my sides. They are so so uncomfortable to say the least! But for some reason today I'm feeling awful and emotionally drained. I haven't gotten the help I thought I would and I feel like its a huge slap in the face. But, you can't depend on people that's for sure. I do appreciate what's given its just hard day today and I'm still running a fever. My 15 year old daughter has all the weight of the kids and the house on her shoulders and that's not fair to her at all! She is doing a wonderful job though with it all. But, being a stay at home mom I know what stress it can be. I know she feels it! And she has to help me on top of it! Get my food...help me up...get my meds....yup, I'm not feeling too good about myself right now. I wish I had someone to relieve her but, I don't. I do appreciate and love her for all she does! It can only get better and I need to pray more and God will lead me/us.....
Denise
Denise
Friday, March 30, 2012
I am ALIVE!!
Well, surgery is over and I'm so happy to be alive and well!! No cancer was detected in my lymph node but I'm still not out of the woods! I can't begin to tell you how good I feel about my decision. I felt so scared and unsure about everything. It truly, truly is the best thing I could have done for myself and my family. Please keep praying xoxo!
Denise!
Denise!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Surgery Day
Today is the day. It's about 6:20am. I'm so so scared and sad that my body will never be the same. Never. Ugh.....why does it bother me so much???? I should be happy to have FOOBS?!?! But, I'm not. I feel like I will always be uncomfortable. Something foreign? Ewwww! Oh well, I know this has to be done. My life is more important! I will try to embrace my new FOOBS!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
X-rated!
Ok, We have made the decision to document my entire journey of a Bilateral Mastectomy with Reconstruction (with pictures)!! You will witness it from beginning to end. So THIS IS A WARNING for all!!!
In no way shape or form would I ever post pics of my boobs!!! But, I do not feel like these are mine! I feel they are not god given at all. The decision was easy! They are not mine and I want to help anyone going through my same journey to see what it's like. Good, bad and ugly! My husband is so great and this was definitely his decision as well!!
Let's be real....hey, I would want to see!
Denise xoxo
In no way shape or form would I ever post pics of my boobs!!! But, I do not feel like these are mine! I feel they are not god given at all. The decision was easy! They are not mine and I want to help anyone going through my same journey to see what it's like. Good, bad and ugly! My husband is so great and this was definitely his decision as well!!
Let's be real....hey, I would want to see!
Denise xoxo
1 day....
1 day till my surgery. How am I feeling??? Sad, nervous, scared, anxious and excited. Are all of those emotions possible? I don't know but, that's how I feel. I'm feeling good about all the support that has been shown to me over the last few weeks. It's nice to have such good people in my life. But, 1 question keeps coming up. "how does your husband feel about this"? I guess fine? My husband is super supportive and we are completely open and honest about everything and never once has he said one bad thing about me losing my breast and nipples. The whole ordeal of cancer and my life being in jeopardy it was an easy decision for me/us! He will love my new FOOBS because he love me.
Anyways, 1 day.....1 long day....
Anyways, 1 day.....1 long day....
Monday, March 26, 2012
Update!
Sorry for not keeping everyone up to date on the latest with my "boobs"
Well, I decided to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction! This Thursday the 29th is the big day. If you have read my other entries you would get why I want this....I don't really want to go deep into it right now.
I have a busy 3 days. I have been really emotional and I have so much on my mind.....so much!
I absolutely love love MY GOD GIVEN BOOBS!!! Funny...I have had 4 kids and these girls have always been perky and full of wow ness !! Lol!!! Yes, they are my wow factor! (At least that's what my husband said the 1st time he saw me naked!!) hahahaha!
But, really, I love them and I am really sad to see them go!! But, I'm happy to prolong and save my life! Here's to my new "Foobs" (fake boobs - ha!)
Well, I decided to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction! This Thursday the 29th is the big day. If you have read my other entries you would get why I want this....I don't really want to go deep into it right now.
I have a busy 3 days. I have been really emotional and I have so much on my mind.....so much!
I absolutely love love MY GOD GIVEN BOOBS!!! Funny...I have had 4 kids and these girls have always been perky and full of wow ness !! Lol!!! Yes, they are my wow factor! (At least that's what my husband said the 1st time he saw me naked!!) hahahaha!
But, really, I love them and I am really sad to see them go!! But, I'm happy to prolong and save my life! Here's to my new "Foobs" (fake boobs - ha!)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
It's been a while....
I haven't posted since Jan 16th...too too long! So much has been going on in my life...especially medically....
1st.- I went to have an MRI because that was the next step in this crazy process. Well, I freaked out and lasted about 5min in that horrible little tube. I went back to see my Surgeon and she prescibed me some Xanax and I was to now have my MRI done at St. Joseph's. So last Wed I did just that. My wonderful husband took off work and drove me to the outpatient pavilion. We left at about 9am for my 11:15 appt. He took me to breakfast and we chatted for a while because we had a lot of time to kill. It was so nice to be able to eat in peace...lol! I enjoyed it very much! At about 10:30 I took my so called "happy pill" Yeah...I wasn't so happy and I was still super nervous! But, I told myself I had to do it...for me and for my family...I have to know if it's cancer. I just kept thinking of my husband...he always gives me strength! I thought about my kids....just had to really focus to stay calm and not panic. I did it! It's done.....
2nd- My Surgeons office called and wanted to see me Friday. So I was scheduled for 2pm. Up until this point I was convinced it wasn't cancer....not sure what it is but, that was my feeling....up until then. I had been planning a BIG 2nd birthday party for my 3rd child and Friday was a super busy day. I completely forgot about my appointment. i called the office at 2:05 and proceeded to tell the receptionist I couldn't make it. She said I needed to come in and anytime before 5 was fine just as long as I came....hmmm, odd...ok, I'll be there. So I get there....not having to wait too long my Dr comes in and we laugh and she asked how I was...blah blah blah.. She then starts to get very serious and proceeds to say...well, we need to discuss quite a few things.....(I'm thinking hmmm, ok) She proceeds and says...(Gonna get a little graphic) She draws on a white board my left breast. Side view and frontal view. She says I have a 2cm mass behind my left nipple (that was my original complaint) I have a 3cm mass at 3:30 and enlarged lymph nodes. Yeah, that's a lot. I wasn't expecting that....I don't think she was either. I could see the concern on her face and I knew it wasn't great news..in fact it was pretty bad. FYI- My rt breast is perfect...lol! We discussed a plan. So she decided to biopsy 2 of the masses and if they are Cancerous we will not biopsy the 3rd. If they are cancer I decided I will have a Bilateral Mastectomy with reconstruction. Which by the way....I'm gonna still do even if it's not Cancer. I thought with my strong family history and the fact that I lost my mother so young it is the best thing for me and my family. My family needs me and I need to be around for a long time.
I will have my biopsy's next week and will keep everyone up to date ;)
Take care,
Denise xoxo!
1st.- I went to have an MRI because that was the next step in this crazy process. Well, I freaked out and lasted about 5min in that horrible little tube. I went back to see my Surgeon and she prescibed me some Xanax and I was to now have my MRI done at St. Joseph's. So last Wed I did just that. My wonderful husband took off work and drove me to the outpatient pavilion. We left at about 9am for my 11:15 appt. He took me to breakfast and we chatted for a while because we had a lot of time to kill. It was so nice to be able to eat in peace...lol! I enjoyed it very much! At about 10:30 I took my so called "happy pill" Yeah...I wasn't so happy and I was still super nervous! But, I told myself I had to do it...for me and for my family...I have to know if it's cancer. I just kept thinking of my husband...he always gives me strength! I thought about my kids....just had to really focus to stay calm and not panic. I did it! It's done.....
2nd- My Surgeons office called and wanted to see me Friday. So I was scheduled for 2pm. Up until this point I was convinced it wasn't cancer....not sure what it is but, that was my feeling....up until then. I had been planning a BIG 2nd birthday party for my 3rd child and Friday was a super busy day. I completely forgot about my appointment. i called the office at 2:05 and proceeded to tell the receptionist I couldn't make it. She said I needed to come in and anytime before 5 was fine just as long as I came....hmmm, odd...ok, I'll be there. So I get there....not having to wait too long my Dr comes in and we laugh and she asked how I was...blah blah blah.. She then starts to get very serious and proceeds to say...well, we need to discuss quite a few things.....(I'm thinking hmmm, ok) She proceeds and says...(Gonna get a little graphic) She draws on a white board my left breast. Side view and frontal view. She says I have a 2cm mass behind my left nipple (that was my original complaint) I have a 3cm mass at 3:30 and enlarged lymph nodes. Yeah, that's a lot. I wasn't expecting that....I don't think she was either. I could see the concern on her face and I knew it wasn't great news..in fact it was pretty bad. FYI- My rt breast is perfect...lol! We discussed a plan. So she decided to biopsy 2 of the masses and if they are Cancerous we will not biopsy the 3rd. If they are cancer I decided I will have a Bilateral Mastectomy with reconstruction. Which by the way....I'm gonna still do even if it's not Cancer. I thought with my strong family history and the fact that I lost my mother so young it is the best thing for me and my family. My family needs me and I need to be around for a long time.
I will have my biopsy's next week and will keep everyone up to date ;)
Take care,
Denise xoxo!
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Musical Wicked!
For Christmas my wonderful sister in law got my husband and I Wicked tickets and also offered to babysit our 4 kids! So of course leading up to the day we were just so excited and could not wait. My husband made reservations at the Stinking Rose in Beverly Hills. I was leary about trying a new restaurant...especially Italian. But, I must say it was amazing and so worth it.
So we get to the restaurant where we were seated immediately. They are BIG on garlic and I was also afraid about being overwhelmed with it but, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't even know garlic was basically in everything!!! Ha! I had the Filet Mignon which was to die for...it came with spinach and garlic mashed potatoes. Yup...amazing. It was probably the best I have ever had!!!!!! Dale had an asparagus pasta....of course with garlic..hahaha! Dinner was quiet and peaceful. Spending time with my husband is great...I really cherish these moments.
We left the restaurant to immediately head over to the Pantages theater where we saw Wicked for the 1st time! I love it! Glinda the good witch was hilarious!!!! The music was breathtaking and I laughed and cried. It was really GREAT! I want to take my oldest son and daughter to see it! They would absolutely LOVE IT!!!
The whole night was great! Thank you Delarie...we truly had an amazing night!!
Denise xoxo!
So we get to the restaurant where we were seated immediately. They are BIG on garlic and I was also afraid about being overwhelmed with it but, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't even know garlic was basically in everything!!! Ha! I had the Filet Mignon which was to die for...it came with spinach and garlic mashed potatoes. Yup...amazing. It was probably the best I have ever had!!!!!! Dale had an asparagus pasta....of course with garlic..hahaha! Dinner was quiet and peaceful. Spending time with my husband is great...I really cherish these moments.
We left the restaurant to immediately head over to the Pantages theater where we saw Wicked for the 1st time! I love it! Glinda the good witch was hilarious!!!! The music was breathtaking and I laughed and cried. It was really GREAT! I want to take my oldest son and daughter to see it! They would absolutely LOVE IT!!!
The whole night was great! Thank you Delarie...we truly had an amazing night!!
Denise xoxo!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Mammogram & Ultrasound
So today was the big day. I went in for my Mammogram and Ultrasound this morning.
I drive up to this big building and I pull into the parking structure where I had to drive all the way up to the top to park. As soon as I walk into the Breast Care Center I have this feeling come over me. It's kinda hard to explain. I felt sadness for myself and a little scared. So as I walk in to see a lot of older woman who are bald from Chemo and a lot of older woman who are their for testing as well. I take the elevator with other woman up to the 2nd floor where I was going to have my testing done. I walk into the office and immediately everyone looks at me...everyone. I needed a sign that had said "yes, I'm young and, yes I'm having a Mammo"! or something like that. Anyways, It was weird...and uncomfortable. The whole thing is just weird.
So they call me back and tell me I need to undress...I wore a strapless dress so I could just take my bra off....My idea was genius! So then I wait...with other half naked woman...in a room. Once again...weird. They finally call my name where she has tons of questions for me and I in turn have tons of questions for her....of course hers were by far more important than mine..ha! The whole thing was over in about 10mins. AND...PAINLESS!!! YES!
Then she has me sit...again....Another tech calls me into the Ultrasound room where she does her test.
So in the end they did find the lump I was complaining about and the Pathologist is recommending I see a Surgeon. I'm worried. But, I know I will be ok..whatever the outcome is I'm fine with. I'm actually not nervous if I do have cancer. It's my path. I have a very supportive family and I know we will all be fine ;)
Denise xoxo!
I drive up to this big building and I pull into the parking structure where I had to drive all the way up to the top to park. As soon as I walk into the Breast Care Center I have this feeling come over me. It's kinda hard to explain. I felt sadness for myself and a little scared. So as I walk in to see a lot of older woman who are bald from Chemo and a lot of older woman who are their for testing as well. I take the elevator with other woman up to the 2nd floor where I was going to have my testing done. I walk into the office and immediately everyone looks at me...everyone. I needed a sign that had said "yes, I'm young and, yes I'm having a Mammo"! or something like that. Anyways, It was weird...and uncomfortable. The whole thing is just weird.
So they call me back and tell me I need to undress...I wore a strapless dress so I could just take my bra off....My idea was genius! So then I wait...with other half naked woman...in a room. Once again...weird. They finally call my name where she has tons of questions for me and I in turn have tons of questions for her....of course hers were by far more important than mine..ha! The whole thing was over in about 10mins. AND...PAINLESS!!! YES!
Then she has me sit...again....Another tech calls me into the Ultrasound room where she does her test.
So in the end they did find the lump I was complaining about and the Pathologist is recommending I see a Surgeon. I'm worried. But, I know I will be ok..whatever the outcome is I'm fine with. I'm actually not nervous if I do have cancer. It's my path. I have a very supportive family and I know we will all be fine ;)
Denise xoxo!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Urgent??
Well, I got a call from my Dr's office regarding my referral for the Mammogram and ultrasound. I guess my Dr flagged it as URGENT! Wow, as if I wasn't worried enough. The nurse called me 3 times saying how important it was that she speak to me TODAY! So it seems that the Breast Center is fitting me in because of the urgency of the matter. Urgency? It's really an urgency??? OK, I guess with my history....I can see why. It's just scary to hear the word "urgent".
I go and check in at the Breast Center @ 9:45am to have all the testing done. Then from there I guess they will instruct me and I'm sure it's a waiting game. Wish me luck!
Denise xoxo!
I go and check in at the Breast Center @ 9:45am to have all the testing done. Then from there I guess they will instruct me and I'm sure it's a waiting game. Wish me luck!
Denise xoxo!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Crock Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup
Crock Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup Recipe
Ingredients:
1 can black beans, drained
1 can corn, drained
1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz size – southwest style, if possible I used petite diced tomatoes w/ sweet onion)
1 packet enchilada sauce mix (or if you can’t find this, mild taco seasoning works well too, this is what I used)
1 1/2 C water
1 can (8 oz)tomato sauce
1 can ( 10 3/4 oz) cream of chicken soup
2 C milk
3-4 boneless chicken breasts (I only used 2 chicken breasts)
1 can corn, drained
1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz size – southwest style, if possible I used petite diced tomatoes w/ sweet onion)
1 packet enchilada sauce mix (or if you can’t find this, mild taco seasoning works well too, this is what I used)
1 1/2 C water
1 can (8 oz)tomato sauce
1 can ( 10 3/4 oz) cream of chicken soup
2 C milk
3-4 boneless chicken breasts (I only used 2 chicken breasts)
Directions:
In crock pot, mix the enchilada packet together with the water and tomato sauce. Add cream of chicken soup and milk and whisk together until smooth. Add chicken. Pour drained black beans, drained corn and diced tomatoes on top of that.Cook on low 6-8 hours.Before serving, take out chicken and shred or dice, then put back and stir it all together. Serve with sour cream, shredded cheddar cheese, lime, avocado, or tortilla chips.
Homemade Tortaillas
Recipe: Homemade Flour Tortillas
| | |
Ingredients
- 2-1/2 cups All-purpose Flour
- 2-1/2 teaspoons Baking Powder
- 1 teaspoon Kosher Salt
- 1/2 cup Lard Or Vegetable Shortening
- 2 Tablespoons (additional) Lard Or Vegetable Shortening
- 1 cup Hot Water
Preparation Instructions
Combine flour, baking powder and salt in a large wooden bowl. Stir together.
Add spoonfuls of lard or shortening (use 1/2 cup PLUS 2 tablespoons), then use a pastry cutter to combine the ingredients. Cut mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs.
Slowly pour in hot water, stirring to bring mixture together. Lightly knead dough 30 to 40 times, or until it becomes a cohesive ball of dough and is less sticky. Cover with a tea towel and allow dough to rest for at least an hour.
Roll into ping pong size balls, place on a tray, cover with a tea towel, and allow to rest for another 20 to 30 minutes.
When you're ready to make the tortillas, head a dark or cast iron griddle to medium/medium-high heat. One by one, roll out balls of dough until very, very thin. Throw tortillas (one by one) onto the griddle. Cook on each side for 20 to 30 seconds, removing while tortillas are still soft but slightly brown in spots. Remove and stack tortillas, and cover with a towel to keep warm. Serve immediately or allow to cool before storing tortillas in a container. To warm, nuke tortillas in the microwave, or wrap in foil and warm in the oven.
Helpful tips:
* Make sure the water you pour in is very warm.
* Allow the dough to rest, both after kneading and after forming into balls.
* Roll out very thin.
* Get the heat right on your stove: Too hot, and the tortilla will burn in spots. Not hot enough, and the tortilla will begin to crisp before you can get it to brown. I get my stove between medium and medium high heat; that seems to do the trick.
* Use a dark griddle or cast iron skillet to brown the tortillas.
* Cook just long enough to lightly brown the tortilla in spots; don't cook too long or tortillas will crisp. You want them to be soft and pliable when you serve them.
* Finally: Have fun! And enjoy them. They're absolutely scrumptious
I made these and my family loved them!!!
Add spoonfuls of lard or shortening (use 1/2 cup PLUS 2 tablespoons), then use a pastry cutter to combine the ingredients. Cut mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs.
Slowly pour in hot water, stirring to bring mixture together. Lightly knead dough 30 to 40 times, or until it becomes a cohesive ball of dough and is less sticky. Cover with a tea towel and allow dough to rest for at least an hour.
Roll into ping pong size balls, place on a tray, cover with a tea towel, and allow to rest for another 20 to 30 minutes.
When you're ready to make the tortillas, head a dark or cast iron griddle to medium/medium-high heat. One by one, roll out balls of dough until very, very thin. Throw tortillas (one by one) onto the griddle. Cook on each side for 20 to 30 seconds, removing while tortillas are still soft but slightly brown in spots. Remove and stack tortillas, and cover with a towel to keep warm. Serve immediately or allow to cool before storing tortillas in a container. To warm, nuke tortillas in the microwave, or wrap in foil and warm in the oven.
Helpful tips:
* Make sure the water you pour in is very warm.
* Allow the dough to rest, both after kneading and after forming into balls.
* Roll out very thin.
* Get the heat right on your stove: Too hot, and the tortilla will burn in spots. Not hot enough, and the tortilla will begin to crisp before you can get it to brown. I get my stove between medium and medium high heat; that seems to do the trick.
* Use a dark griddle or cast iron skillet to brown the tortillas.
* Cook just long enough to lightly brown the tortilla in spots; don't cook too long or tortillas will crisp. You want them to be soft and pliable when you serve them.
* Finally: Have fun! And enjoy them. They're absolutely scrumptious
I made these and my family loved them!!!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Not too worried...ok, maybe a little.
About a month ago I found a lump on my left breast and I didn't think too much of it at the time. It was very tender and hurt. I thought it would go away.....it didn't. But, it no longer hurts. Well, I made an appt and went this morning to get it checked out and make sure everything is O.K.
When my mother was 31 she got breast cancer for the 1st time. I was very, very young. My mom had it in 14 lymph nodes and had a mastectomy. It was very bad. She still never showed anyone how much pain she was in. I do remember helping her after her surgery. She went through chemo and was ok for about 8 yrs. She lost the long and painful battle from Breast Cancer at the age of 42. I was 16. I was home schooled during my Sophomore year to help her and take care of her. I was at her bedside everyday...till the last day. My sister was 14 and a mess....understandably.
My grandmother (mom's mom) had Breast Cancer when I was 2yrs old. She was fine and led a pretty healthy life. She passed at age 82 of Pancreatic Cancer.
My grandfather (mom's dad) had cyst in his breast but never cancer. Yes, men get Breast Cancer too.
This whole experience is a little too close to comfort and I am a little worried. I guess because my daughter is the age I was when I lost her and how her loss has impacted my life...good and bad. Good....that I appreciate people for who they are and all of their flaws. I love life a whole lot more! I promised her I would go to school and make something of myself...which I did. Bad....well, the obvious..I miss her and want a mom...that would be nice. To see her smile and hear her contagious laugh. I would love for her to see her grandchildren. Meet my wonderful husband....I can go on and on and on...their is so much.
Well, we will see what happens. I went to the Dr this morning and she is sending me to the Breast center to have a mammogram. Kinda nervous but, anxious to get it done.
xoxo Denise
When my mother was 31 she got breast cancer for the 1st time. I was very, very young. My mom had it in 14 lymph nodes and had a mastectomy. It was very bad. She still never showed anyone how much pain she was in. I do remember helping her after her surgery. She went through chemo and was ok for about 8 yrs. She lost the long and painful battle from Breast Cancer at the age of 42. I was 16. I was home schooled during my Sophomore year to help her and take care of her. I was at her bedside everyday...till the last day. My sister was 14 and a mess....understandably.
My grandmother (mom's mom) had Breast Cancer when I was 2yrs old. She was fine and led a pretty healthy life. She passed at age 82 of Pancreatic Cancer.
My grandfather (mom's dad) had cyst in his breast but never cancer. Yes, men get Breast Cancer too.
This whole experience is a little too close to comfort and I am a little worried. I guess because my daughter is the age I was when I lost her and how her loss has impacted my life...good and bad. Good....that I appreciate people for who they are and all of their flaws. I love life a whole lot more! I promised her I would go to school and make something of myself...which I did. Bad....well, the obvious..I miss her and want a mom...that would be nice. To see her smile and hear her contagious laugh. I would love for her to see her grandchildren. Meet my wonderful husband....I can go on and on and on...their is so much.
Well, we will see what happens. I went to the Dr this morning and she is sending me to the Breast center to have a mammogram. Kinda nervous but, anxious to get it done.
xoxo Denise
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Fun Times!
Well ,Last night was Bunco Night with my Bunco Babes group! I was the host for this month and I prepared a veggie lasagna, salad, bbq hot links, and fruit. Yummy, it was delish! Well, we ate and talked so much we didn't even get to our Bunco game...ha ha ha!!
When I 1st agreed to do Bunco I had no idea what it was and I knew my church played Bunco so I assumed it was safe...ha ha. No, Its gambling! Ha ha! Since I'm Mormon gambling is a no no....but, I don't do it for the money or anything I really do it for fun and I get to spend time with new friends I have met through this group. I have won once but give it to my tithing....I guess that's how I justify it. I don't know if it's right or wrong but I feel pretty good about the decision I have made.
Well, today one of the ladies from my Bunco group came to my church's play date with her adorable kids. The Bunco group I feel is good for me and, now we get to share more than just that 1 night a month together. It's nice to meet new people and share and learn from other mommies. Its great actually! It's also really good for our kids! Fun times...fun times!
xoxo Denise
When I 1st agreed to do Bunco I had no idea what it was and I knew my church played Bunco so I assumed it was safe...ha ha. No, Its gambling! Ha ha! Since I'm Mormon gambling is a no no....but, I don't do it for the money or anything I really do it for fun and I get to spend time with new friends I have met through this group. I have won once but give it to my tithing....I guess that's how I justify it. I don't know if it's right or wrong but I feel pretty good about the decision I have made.
Well, today one of the ladies from my Bunco group came to my church's play date with her adorable kids. The Bunco group I feel is good for me and, now we get to share more than just that 1 night a month together. It's nice to meet new people and share and learn from other mommies. Its great actually! It's also really good for our kids! Fun times...fun times!
xoxo Denise
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Did someone say Big Boy Undies?!?!
Well, Jayden is officially potty trained...phew! Sooooo, Monday morning he woke up and like I do every morning I went to change his diaper. This is our conversation: Me- Jayden lets change your diaper. Jayden- No mommy I don't want to put a diaper on. Me- Do you want big boy undies? Jayden- Yes! It was really that simple...done. Potty trained! Yup.....
So that was Monday. On Tuesday we went to Disneyland with no diapers...yes, the very next day!!!! I went with lots of underwear and clothes just in case. But, to my surprise I didn't need them. Not 1 accident. Nope, not 1!!!! We are so proud of him!
YAY Jayden!!!!!
xoxo Denise!
So that was Monday. On Tuesday we went to Disneyland with no diapers...yes, the very next day!!!! I went with lots of underwear and clothes just in case. But, to my surprise I didn't need them. Not 1 accident. Nope, not 1!!!! We are so proud of him!
YAY Jayden!!!!!
xoxo Denise!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
All these ideas and not enough time!
We are starting a backyard renovation. It's going to be a very slow process because of time. We don't have a lot of time to work on it. With Dale only having 1 day off it makes it kinda hard.
My kids eat a pretty well balanced diet. Drink Almond milk..yum! They don't eat meat. They love veggies and fruit and I feel that Organic produce is expensive in the stores and I always tend to just buy whats on sale. I hate it! So this is a must in my mind.
The transformation on our backyard is gonna be amazing and I can't wait.
So this is the plan:
Denise xoxo!
My kids eat a pretty well balanced diet. Drink Almond milk..yum! They don't eat meat. They love veggies and fruit and I feel that Organic produce is expensive in the stores and I always tend to just buy whats on sale. I hate it! So this is a must in my mind.
- Vegtable and herb garden
- Fruit tress- Apple, peach, pomegranate and lemon
- I would like to have chickens as well...we will see!
The transformation on our backyard is gonna be amazing and I can't wait.
So this is the plan:
- Create a budget and price out everything.
- Contact a contractor for Sprinklers, any brick or cement work and patio covering.
- Create a Layout. Get plans made up. Figure out where things will be placed.
- Clean out Backyard.
- Have the Patio, Sprinklers along w/sod and brick work done.
- Since we have a chain fence we plan to somehow make it a little private by either covering it or adding individual coverings.
- Put up swing set, sandbox and splash pad..yes a splash pad (its a must with young kids...better than a pool...no drowning accidents and so worth every penny...which isn't very much.)
- Decorate!!!!!!
- And....enjoy!
Denise xoxo!
Happy New Year!!
Happy Happy New Year!! 2011 was a really good year for me! Anything and everything good has happened to me in the last few years! 2011 was no exception to that. I had another baby which made a total of 4! She is such a joy and I couldn't imagine life without her!
As for my partner in life, Dale is an amazing father, husband and friend and I feel every year we become closer. Dale has been this amazing person in MY life and I knew from the moment I met him he would change my life. Since 2006 he has been consistent with who he is and what he's about. Not once has he ever treated me badly or made me feel inadequate. He's amazing and it feels really good (blushing) So, this past year has been ahhhhmazing to say the least. We have been married 3yrs and 2012 will bring our 4th yr wedding anniversary and hopefully another bun in the oven!!! I really feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I'm so glad our lives worked out they way they did. I'm glad I went through all the pain to get to him. I'd do it all over again...no question on that! It's la la la la LOVE!
And my kids! Awww, what can I say! They are amazing....precious....adorable.....cute...funny...I can go on and on..ha ha! They are my W O R L D!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so lucky that from day 1 I have got to spend every min with them as a stay at home mommy!! Janae is an amazing big sis...she is my Angel. They and I...we are so blessed to have her. I'm just glad God gave me these kids and I promise I will always do right by them.
My friends, family and Church!! They are great to us! Our friends are always there for us all! Its so nice to have people who support and love you...yup, best feeling in the world and I just want them to know how much I love them and appreciate all they do.
And our Church...wow, what can I say. I have been a member of the LDS Church since 2010. Best thing I have ever done for me, my kids and my relationships with people in general. I belong to the best Church...the real truth. They love us unconditionally and I admire each and every one of them. They teach us not to be judgemental of anyone else and to respect everyone. I try...I'm not perfect but, I try. I love our ward and God has really blessed my home with the Gospel and we try to live by his words. Not pretend or do it for show but really live it. Really embrace his commandments. It has been life changing and I thank my heavenly father everyday for the blessings he has bestowed on us all.
Well, goodbye 2011....it was a GREAT year! Lookout 2012! The Sutton Family has more GREAT memories to make!
Love you all and God Bless you all!
XOXO- Denise
As for my partner in life, Dale is an amazing father, husband and friend and I feel every year we become closer. Dale has been this amazing person in MY life and I knew from the moment I met him he would change my life. Since 2006 he has been consistent with who he is and what he's about. Not once has he ever treated me badly or made me feel inadequate. He's amazing and it feels really good (blushing) So, this past year has been ahhhhmazing to say the least. We have been married 3yrs and 2012 will bring our 4th yr wedding anniversary and hopefully another bun in the oven!!! I really feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I'm so glad our lives worked out they way they did. I'm glad I went through all the pain to get to him. I'd do it all over again...no question on that! It's la la la la LOVE!
And my kids! Awww, what can I say! They are amazing....precious....adorable.....cute...funny...I can go on and on..ha ha! They are my W O R L D!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so lucky that from day 1 I have got to spend every min with them as a stay at home mommy!! Janae is an amazing big sis...she is my Angel. They and I...we are so blessed to have her. I'm just glad God gave me these kids and I promise I will always do right by them.
My friends, family and Church!! They are great to us! Our friends are always there for us all! Its so nice to have people who support and love you...yup, best feeling in the world and I just want them to know how much I love them and appreciate all they do.
And our Church...wow, what can I say. I have been a member of the LDS Church since 2010. Best thing I have ever done for me, my kids and my relationships with people in general. I belong to the best Church...the real truth. They love us unconditionally and I admire each and every one of them. They teach us not to be judgemental of anyone else and to respect everyone. I try...I'm not perfect but, I try. I love our ward and God has really blessed my home with the Gospel and we try to live by his words. Not pretend or do it for show but really live it. Really embrace his commandments. It has been life changing and I thank my heavenly father everyday for the blessings he has bestowed on us all.
Well, goodbye 2011....it was a GREAT year! Lookout 2012! The Sutton Family has more GREAT memories to make!
Love you all and God Bless you all!
XOXO- Denise
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